As a sexologist, I often hear from clients who feel like they’re not being heard by their partners. Whether it’s in the bedroom or in everyday conversations, feeling ignored or dismissed can be frustrating and hurtful. But there are ways to improve communication and make sure your voice is heard.
Set the Stage
Before you start a conversation, it’s important to create a safe and comfortable environment. Find a time when you’re both relaxed and not distracted by other things. Make sure you have each other’s full attention and that you’re not feeling rushed. It can also be helpful to start with a positive statement, such as “I really appreciate how hard you work to support our family,” before moving into the topic you want to discuss.
Use “I” Statements
When you’re trying to express your feelings or needs, it’s important to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try saying “I feel like my opinions aren’t being heard.”
Practice Active Listening
Communication is a two-way street, so it’s important to also be a good listener. When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention and try to understand their perspective.
Ask questions to clarify anything that’s unclear and repeat back what you’ve heard to make sure you’re on the same page. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive, even if you disagree with what they’re saying.
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